dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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