i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
