Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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