hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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