I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize