he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
