i permit you to call me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
