so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
