I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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