Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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