Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
