I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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