I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
