how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
