the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize