Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
