why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
