i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
