Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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