One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
