Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
