he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
