I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
