Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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