the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
