so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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