I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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