textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
