i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
