I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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