I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
tequila makes me forget i have legs
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
