respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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