I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
