Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
