Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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