you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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