First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
