So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
