first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
