So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
