here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
