Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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