lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
