marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
