Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
