Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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