I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
