How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
