She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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