hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
