woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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