I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
