I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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