Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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