roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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