My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I will be naked everywhere
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
