im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
