if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
