I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize