put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
