i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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