feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My balls are so social today.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
