I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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