If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found your dick twin last night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
