2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
