i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
