I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
