Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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