just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
