i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize