I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
