The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
