Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
