don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
