went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
