i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
