You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
