she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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