As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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