dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
