I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize