I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
