2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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