I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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