Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
